Fear is a normal protective reaction in the face of a threatening stimulus. It is a survival mechanism, because it motivates us to avoid a real or supposed danger. As children grow older and come into contact with new stimuli and situations, they naturally begin to fear. This is a developmental phenomenon that weakens over time. The most common fears of children aged 2-4 years are noise, darkness, animals, strange objects, planes, lightning and thunder.
At 5 the fears are relatively reduced, while at 6-7 the child is mainly afraid of ghosts, criminals, as well as the death of himself or his parents. In the period of 8-10 the fears are gradually reduced. But there are cases where the initial fears turn into phobias that accompany and affect the child in his daily life. Phobia is an excessive and unjustified fear that occurs periodically and is disproportionate to the stimulus that causes it. Accompanied by intense stress and physical symptoms such as tachycardia, sweating, discomfort.
When the person is confronted with the phobic object or situation, he has the desire to move away from it in order to "escape" from the unpleasant symptoms. He also begins to avoid places and situations where he believes there is a risk of confronting what frightens him. He knows that his fear has no logical basis, but he feels unable to react. In the case of children, of course, the realization that fear is irrational may not exist. The child really believes that the phobic object will hurt him and hurt him.
How do children learn to be afraid?
The development of fears is influenced both by the temperament and personality of the child, as well as by his personal experiences and the environment in which the phobic stimuli appear. Some frightening experiences, according to the theory of learning, can make the child feel scared in any similar situation. Also, fears are learned and transmitted to children by their parents. If we look at the family environment of a child with a certain phobia, we will see that the parents have similar or similar phobias.
Children have the ability to perceive their parents' feelings with extreme precision even when they try to hide them. They will "catch" even the smallest signals that betray how parents feel or think. After all, many messages are transmitted unconsciously with our general attitude, grimaces and gestures. For this reason, calmness, composure and the way parents deal with their children's fears, is crucial to eliminate them.
In some cases, children's fears may reflect a general dysfunction within the family. In other words, the child may show some phobia as a symptom of a general problem that affects the whole family. For example, tensions in parental relationships can lead the child to school phobia, because he is afraid to leave mom alone in case something happens. So she refuses to go to school, thus adopting the role of mother's protector.
How can we help a child who is scared? It is very important in the first place to help the child develop skills, with which he will be able to better deal with his fear. Parents, on the other hand, can bring the child face to face and in contact with the phobic object under conditions where he will feel safe. By their own behavior, parents can be role models for the child. A child who is afraid of the dark, for example, but sees his mother enter a dark room without anxiety, will feel more secure and less anxious.
In some cases, it is helpful to explain in words to the child that the phobic object is not dangerous and to cite examples from other children or adults who have come in contact with a similar situation. Some practical solutions can also be very effective. For example, if a child is afraid of the dark, parents can leave a low light on at night during sleep. If he is afraid of shadows, they can explain to him how shadows are created.
What will certainly not help a child who is afraid is to ignore his fears, to bring him violently in contact with the phobic object or to remove it from it. Especially in the latter case, the child may temporarily calm down when he is away from the frightening situation for him, but the fear will not be eliminated. On the contrary, he will return, probably with greater intensity, the next time the child is confronted with what he is afraid of.
When the phobia persists, it would be good to visit a specialist. He will help the child to deal with it and on the other hand will find out if the phobia is what really bothers the child or there are other emotional difficulties that prevent him from living a normal life and coping with his daily life. In some cases, parental counseling or family therapy is also required.
Ioanna Kouria, Psychologist - Family Therapist.
